We meet many people while doing the work that we do, and we hear a variety of stories about how they got into their current situation. Our case workers from The Bridge and Mentor Coordinators from the Lighthouse Project have both had quite a lot of experience helping people who have become homeless by taking the courageous step to flee domestic abuse. In fact, studies show that 39% of people experiencing homelessness have experienced domestic violence, and 25% have experienced sexual abuse at some point in their lives. If someone has had to leave their accommodation due to domestic abuse or violence they will not be classed as intentionally homeless, which is a worry for some, but will in fact be put automatically in Priority Need. Priority Need is when the council must give you more help due to special circumstances.
“I’ve recently worked with a guest who had no support system due to moving to the UK by herself. When her partner, who she shared a home with, began to use more and more drugs, he took her money to fund it. If she tried to protest he became violent, and she had no one to turn to. Fleeing her home became her only option, so she sought help at The Bridge. I managed to find her a place at a women's refuge, where her partner couldn’t find her.” - A Case Worker
To help stop things even getting that far, we wanted to look at ways in which someone can look out for friends and family and know how to spot signs of abuse, before fleeing accommodation even becomes a consideration.
The first thing to know is who can be an abuser. The short answer is: anyone. Domestic abuse often conjures images of violence between romantic partners, but the truth is anyone you have a relationship with in your personal life can be a domestic abuser. This includes parents, children, partners, friends, housemates, or family, and they could be of any gender. The statutory definition recognises this, and also notes that abuse can go beyond physical violence.
So what falls under ‘abuse’? There are unfortunately many ways that a person can suffer from domestic abuse, this includes physical abuse, sexual abuse, material or financial abuse, psychological abuse, discrimination, or neglect. Although we can’t list every single way someone could be abused, we’ve compiled a list of what each type of abuse can include. Let’s break them down:
Physical:
If someone is being physically hurt, injured, or tortured.
If someone is withholding or interfering with medication.
Sexual:
If sexual photos or videos have been shared without permission.
If someone has been forced or pressured into any kind of sexual act.
If someone has been touched inappropriately.
Material/ Financial:
If someone else has control over a person's bank account.
If credit cards or money are being withheld from a person.
If a person is being pressured or forced to give away money or possessions.
If someone's possessions are being stolen, destroyed, thrown away, or given away.
Cuckooing - the crime of taking over someones home to sell drug or sex work.
Psychological:
If someone is being bullied or threatened.
Receiving excessive calls and/or texts.
Someone demanding to know what a person is wearing, who they’re talking to, where they are etc.
If someone displays controlling behaviour such as telling someone who they can and can’t speak to, or places they can and can’t go.
Someone used guilt, humiliation, or manipulation to control someone else.
Discrimination:
Someone receiving abuse or unfair treatment due to race, gender, sexual orientation, history of substance use, or any other aspect of how they identify.
Neglect:
When someone needs care but is denied help, or help is delayed significantly.
This can include being deliberately ignored, forgotten out of ignorance, or because the carer themselves are not getting the support they need.
It’s important to know about the different types of abuse so you can then know what signs to look out for. Try to notice if someone in your life seems different, whether that’s angry, anxious, withdrawn, or afraid. Have they lost control over their money, or seem to have an unusual amount of control over someone else's money? Do they make derogatory remarks about their partner, or mention that their partner has made these remarks about them? Have their habits with alcohol, drugs, or medication changed? Do they have unexplained injuries, or give unconvincing explanations for their injuries?
"The most difficult thing, for me, is working with people who are still in an abusive relationship but can't see it, or feel like they can't leave. Sometimes my own experience of being in a violent and abusive relationship can help. It's not something I especially like to talk about, but at times it can help the person I'm trying to support to know that I understand what it's like to be in a similar position to them. And it shows that it is possible to escape and live a happier life.I think domestic abuse is under-reported. Almost half of the people on the Project currently have either experienced domestic abuse in their past, or are experiencing it currently. However, not all of them consider what they went though to be abuse." - Bridge Staff Member.
If there is any cause for you to worry about someone in your life, there are some things to keep in mind when approaching them. Be compassionate when asking them questions, be honest about why you are worried and what you think, but avoid criticising them whilst doing this. Don’t push too hard, if the person you’re worried about starts to avoid answering questions or shut down, just let them know you are here for them if they are ready to talk more. Do not try to contact the person you suspect of being the abuser, this could make things worse or put people at risk. Although you may not agree with someone you are worried about, don’t argue with them, make demands or ultimatums, as this will likely push them away from you and closer to their abuser.
Below is a list of resources for more information and help options.
Resources:
Helplines:
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